We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
