FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
