Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
