Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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