I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
