I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
