3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
