I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize