i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina just recognized that song.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
