Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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