dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
