I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just threw up on my dentist
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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