Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
