You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
