Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
