dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
