I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
