I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
