so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
