i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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