just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
