took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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