I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
