she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
