Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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