just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
