I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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