Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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