hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
