So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
