Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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