You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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