a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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