i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who died my cat blue again?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize