Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
