Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
