Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
