I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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