Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
