yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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