Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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