Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
