There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
