Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
