Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize