We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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