I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
