I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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