Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
