Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
