yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
