The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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