he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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