Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
