when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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