Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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