i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
