Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
