He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
