I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
