it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
