I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Randomize
