she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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