I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
