I wish my penis had an off switch
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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