i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
