I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
