I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
