ugly people sure do ruin things
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
