With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
