I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
