my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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