I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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