I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Randomize
