She said her name was "party"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
