you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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