I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
