Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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