So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize