Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
