p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
