Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
