i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
