Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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