WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
