before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
